5 Steps of Grief, 5 Days of Pain
by AngelaJaeger
Summary: After a battle that ends badly, Tsubaki will have to pass through the stages of losing someone dear.
1. Step One: Denial

I came up with this fic afterI drew this art/Step-One-Denial-394225659 ^^

In this story, every chapter will have their own drawing, so I hope you like it :)

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Step One: Denial

After the explosion, Tsubaki opened her eyes and saw a beautiful sky. She was still confused from the fall, and for a moment she just stared at that sky with eyes half closed.

"So out of place, isn't it?" she thought. She then let herself sit up, supporting her weight with one arm and taking her bangs of her face. Her entire body hurt, she had bruises and cuts all over; her dress was burnt and ruined; she felt sore and wondered, alarmed, where Black Star was. She couldn't see a thing of the battlefield, but she could feel her partner's soul wavelength (although her soul perception abilities weren't that good, Black Star's soul wasn't difficult one to find).

She sensed him, a weak wavelength. Was he that far from her? Where did the explosion take her? She tried to get up, run back to Black Star's side, but it was too quick for her body to handle and she fell again, dizzy. In the meantime, Black Star's wavelength began to fade, as if he was walking away from her.

"Can't he sense me here? Why would he walk in the opposite direction?" she thought, "Unless…"

Her breathing became shallow, she started trembling with fear. Tears formed in her eyes has she called out his name.

"BLACK STAR!" she screamed over and over, but there was no response, and her partner's wavelength kept shortening. "MAKA! KID! MARIE-SENSEI!" Tears started to fall from her eyes as she got up, the pain and soreness from her injuries almost forgotten, when faced with the panic she was feeling. "BLACK STAR!" she ran into the battlefield again, even with smoke and ashes blocking her sight.

She just had to follow that wavelength, right? She just had to run faster than Black Star and stay by his side, and they would keep fighting together, like they always had. He must be just fine; he must be running away from her because that's where the enemies are, right?...

But if she was so sure he was just running away from her, why wouldn't her tears stop?

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Hey again! Thanks for reading :) this was actually my first fanfic, so I would really enjoy your reviews, good or bad, to help me improve ^^ just no hate, please ^^'


	2. Step Two: Anger

Hey there fellow readers ^^ this is this chapter's art - art/Step-Two-Anger-395207045 hope you enjoy watching/reading it as i enjoyed making them :))

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Step 2: Anger

Tsubaki ran and ran; however, she didn't seem to get any closer to Black Star, no matter how fast she went. She started to go short of breath, and began slowing down, until she hit something, tripping and falling to the floor. Her eyes took a while to adjust to the low visibility, but then went wide in horror when she realized, after getting up again, that she had tripped on Black Star.

Her body collapsed, she fell again. Tears kept rolling down her face, her own mind hurt. She could barely feel his soul. Was he that bad? How much time did he have left until…

"NO! MAKA! KID! Black Star is …" She screamed for help, for some divine intervention, anything. All she could do for several minutes was gasp for air, trembling for the panic she was feeling.

Then, an immense anger took over her. "WHY HIM? HE WAS GOING TO BE THE ONE TO SURPASS THE GODS! OUT OF ALL PEOPLE! WHY?"

She couldn't control herself anymore. Her thoughts were clouded with fear and anger and sadness, and she felt one of her weapon forms appear beside her. She was going to fight on her own, avenge her partner, and punish everyone else who had tried to take out Back Star. She wasn't trembling anymore, has she felt her own raging wavelengths going out of her body, making the air shift around her and her partner's almost lifeless body.

She went to meet her enemies, with a bloodlust she had never felt before. She started taking them down, one by one. At first, she was fast and dealt with all of them with ease; however, her body started to grow tired, her moves became slow. She was design to be a weapon, not a meister, and she was out of stamina.

She took a hard hit on the back, falling on her face. As she tried to get back again, she took another to the stomach, and turned around, facing now the twilight sky.

Her eyes could barely remain open, with all the dust, ash, blood and tears, but she managed to see a few stars in that sky.

"If that dark sky is me, then the sparkling stars are Tsubaki." She remembered what Black Star had said to her some time ago, and one last tear fell from her eyes. "I'm so weak and lost without him by my side" she thought, slowly losing consciousness, "I guess you were really my star in the night sky all along…"

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**So, this is the end of today's chapter ^^ I'm thinking about the last chapter of this fanfic (the fifth, in this case). I can't really decide on only one, but how do you think this should end (as in should Black Star die or survive in the last chapter)? I'm also waiting for your reviews, so if you liked it (or not) you should leave one and help a beginner improve ^^**


	3. Step Three: Bargaining

**Hi! this is my latest update in a while, because school started and I reaally didn't have the time or the inspiration to do something until now. But as always, enjoy, and I will try to update again as soon as possible!**

**Also, there's no art for this chapter - sorry - (because of the same reason as I didn't update until now - time! )**

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**Step 3: Barganing**

Her fists hurt; however, she couldn't punching the bag in front of her. Her legs hurt, however she couldn't manage to sit down and relax. Her mind hurt, but still she failed to stop the thinking.

"If only I were stronger...", "If only I had called Maka earlier...", "if only Kid had been faster to reach us...", "if only...", "if only...". These thoughts kept going through her mind, and she did nothing to stop them, even though they physically hurt. But everything hurt, so it was quite alright.

She wasn't fully recovered yet; however, she could move around freely and had left the hospital the weak before. Maka, Soul, and the rest were all okay as well. There was only person left in Shibusen's hospital, and she blamed just herself for that.

Black Star hadn't even woke yet. She had visited him every day, and each day the news she received from the doctors was worse. If Black Star didn't wake up, well... He really would never wake up again. And if that happened, her love would die. The one she though as family, the one that she would live, and fight, and die for, dead.

She started to hit the punching bag harder now. Her fists were bleeding, but she didn't care. All she wanted was to get rid of all that pain, sadness, suffering and hate. Because until then all she could do was cry, she wanted to be strong, to be able to protect him the next time. If there was a next time.

Tears were now falling down her face, before she could realize it. Her fist grew tired and weaker, and she could feel her energy being drained from her. Her legs trembled, and she fell, lying alone in the dark of Shibusen's gym.

She didn't feel angry anymore, neither did she felt vengefull, sad, or hurt. She only felt cold, and very, very empty. And maybe that was better. Maybe it was better not to feel at all, than to feel what she felt that day.

She wasn't fully recovered yet; but how can you heal such a deep wound of guilt in someone's heart?


	4. Step Four: Depression

**Step Four: Depression**

Tsubaki woke up in her hospital room. She didn't know who brought her there, but she suspected it had been Soul, since Maka was asleep beside her.

She remembered the day before, and felt extremely tired. Not the good tired, after you work out, but an empty tired, of someone who just can't afford to move anymore.

Tsubaki felt emptier than she ever felt before, but kept silent until Maka woke up.

"Tsubaki-chan... I'm sorry, I fell asleep. Are you okay?" she asked, opening her eyes.

"Im fine, Maka, thank you" she managed a smile, one that didn't reach her eyes, though. "Is there any news of Black Star?"

"No, I don't think so... I'm sorry, I should get going, me and Soul... don't worry, but I'll see you later okay?"

"Sure, see you later."

And as soon as Maka left the room, Tsubaki's fake smile vanished and her head fell against the pillow. She stared at the ceiling for a long time. Part of her wanted to be by his side, and hold his hand until he woke up. But another part of her wanted to lock herself in that room, isolate herself from the world and all the madness and anger around and inside her. She felt as if she was loosing her mind, her thoughts going crazy, alternating between scenes of her battles with Black Star, moments from their daily, regular life, and that day. Her mind wondered and before she knew it she was out of her bed and heading for Black Star's room.

Everything was still dark, most patients weren't even awake yet. She started walking faster, anxious to be besides her meister, but just before passing trough the door frame, she stopped and leaned against the wall.

Because she had been in that room the day before, and the day before that, and she knew what to except on the other side of that wall. The person she loved the most, the one who noticed and valued her more than her own family, lying on a bed, not talking, not moving, not being really alive, but still not dead, connected to machines she didn't know the name of.

Her knees collapsed, she knelt on the floor and stayed there for a long half hour, face in her hands. She didn't think anymore during that time, and she thanked for that time of cloudness and unawareness, but when she heard footsteps, she knew she would have to get up and leave the corridor, to avoid the questions.

But as soon as she did, she almost regreted it, and the emptiness from before showed itself again. All she could do during the day was hold his dead hand, and it made her feel so useless. His hand was the part of him she knew best, because he had held her so many times during battle and training, but now she wouldn't even recognize it without his grip.

What would she do? The doctors said that if he didn't wake up in the next couple of days, he would die. A silent, peacefull death maybe, but still, such a death for Black Star, it was so depressing it made Tsubaki cry; he was suposed to live a long fulfilling life, surpass the gods, and now this?

As she hold his hand tighter, she could feel her tears roll down her face. She did nothing to stop them, and though to herself if all she could do these past few days was that.

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**Yay, the end of another chapter ^^ Hope you guys are liking it, because this is giving me the feels for BlacK Star X Tsubaki orz**

**Anyways, I'll try to update again soon, with one final chapter :)**


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